Mental Battle of Surving
As I sit and take a deep breath,
and thank God for saving me from death…
my heart breaks and my brain tries to understand
why so many have died, but here I still stand.
Surrounded by stories of loss…my heart lets out a wail…
young and old, vax and unvax, healthy and frail?
It doesn’t make sense at all….it just isn’t fair,
some live and some die even through the warrior’s prayer.
No rhyme or reason or pattern to see…
nobody knows who the next will be?!
Father I’m grateful for all of my healing,
but what is all this that I am feeling….
Why do I feel so connected to their heart?
Why when I hear of their death, I fall apart?
Why does the guilt of living grow with each passing life,
when I do feel so thankful that I’m still a mom and a wife?
Why is this pain in my heart so very deep?
Why are there moments I just sit and weep?
Some of them I know and others I can’t even give you a name…
so why do I feel so saddened and the pain feel the same?
All lives are precious and equal in your eye.
So why do some live and some have to die?
And why me….I don’t deserve to live more than anyone else!
All lives deserve victory and healing, not just myself!
Father, please help me to let go of the guilt and pain.
Help me to refocus from the loss to all that there is to gain.
Life is a gift and there is a great purpose to live.
I am grateful and to You my life and heart, I give.
Please help me to remember this gift that you have given me.
May I never take it for granted and may I become what You want me to be.
May I never be the same, appreciating every time I wake…
oh another day to live for You….to live for Your sake…..
To bring You honor, glory, and strive to love others like You do
to be a vessel that your light always shines through.
To help others find You in a new amazing way
and to bring others in who may have fallen away.
To help the world to see the love and forgiveness You have to share…
to help them understand and experience how much you really care.
To help others discover who they are and continue to grow…
growing closer to You and walking out the purpose You will show.
To help them see the gifts that lay deep within…
the gifts You gave them and that have always been.
To help them water the seeds of faith and walk through the unknown…
learning to embrace the process and giving You glory for how much they have grown.
To always write and share the words You put on my heart…
never allowing fear to stop me before I even start.
To be the momma my sweet girls need…
always allowing You to guide and lead.
To be there for them as a reflection of You…
believing they see Your love, grace, forgiveness too.
To help them learn that on You they can rely…
that You will hear every prayer and every cry.
To help them see all that You have done in and through me
and that there is so much more You want to do in them and want them to see.
Yes, Father, I am so thankful for each breath and for the beating of my heart.
I pray my life is pleasing to You and from this purpose I never part.
I give You every breath, every step, and every single word,
but a piece of my heart will be with the voices who will forever be unheard.
